I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
