Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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