so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
