No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
