In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
