I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
