With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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