Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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