just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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