I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
