dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
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