someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
