you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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