I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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