I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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