3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
