Are we in a gay sports bar?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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