Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
