i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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