Christians are straight up FREAKS
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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