yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
All I want is dick and wine.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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