so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
