I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
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