She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
