He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
