the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
