I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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