I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
