Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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