I murdered the dance floor call the cops
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
