I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
