I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize