THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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