I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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