my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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