he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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