There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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