Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
