it was like his penis was on wheels.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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