Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
