Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
It's never too late to be topless.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Randomize
