whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
