Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
