How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
