please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
