Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
