Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
