Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
