and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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