i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
