so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize