i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
