I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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