Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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