It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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