she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
