I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
