Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
