I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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