Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
