Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
