Ambien. No doubt about it.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
