I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
We left the knife in your bed.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
