You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
