I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
