You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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