Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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