mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I feel great
I just peed on a car
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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