Dude my mom stole all your condoms
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize