With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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