Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
