My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
