I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I am one with the molecules
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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