Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
