I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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