And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
