Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
i believe in u and ur pee
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize