Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
