I accidentally burped into my bong.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
