I'm gonna have a badass scar
I want to make a zoo with you.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
