The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize