he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
