my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
