OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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