Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
