this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
