Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize