It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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