You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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