I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
