Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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