Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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