Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
