I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
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