idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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