I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize