Ambien. No doubt about it.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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