Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize