if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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