gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize