I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
there is glitter all over my balls
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
